Released in 1979, The Villain could best be described as a live action Wile E. Coyote/Road Runner movie. It stars Kirk Douglas in a rare comedic turn as Cactus Jack Slade, "a mistake nature made--a trick fate has played on itself," as the theme song says. Cactus Jack's a would-be villain in the old west, a guy with a room temperature IQ who's his own worst enemy. As the story opens, he's trying unsuccessfully to rob a bank. When he can't open the safe, he decides to blow it up. The dynamite brings down the building...but fails to budge the safe.
Still, the crooked banker, Avery Simpson (Jack Elam), sees potential in Cactus Jack and enlists him to steal a large sum of money being transported by Charming Jones (Ann-Margret) to her rich daddy, Parody Jones (Strother Martin). However, Parody has hired an escort for his daughter--Handsome Stranger (Arnold Schwarzenegger), who's strong as an ox but not quite as smart. In fact, he's almost as dumb as Cactus Jack. When Charming asks about his unusual name, he explains, "I was named after my father."
As they travel toward their destination, Charming tries every way she can to seduce Handsome Stranger, but he's oblivious to her advances. He's also oblivious to Cactus Jack's pursuit--and multiple bungled attempts to rob them. While Cactus Jack could be Wile E. Coyote, Handsome Stranger's no Road Runner.
Add to the mix two Indians hired by the banker, Nervous Elk (Paul Lynde) and Mashing Finger (Robert Tessier). Nervous Elk observes, "This one needs to be looked after."
He does indeed--and is, by his smarter-than-the-average horse, Whiskey, who has to save Jack from himself more than once. Whether he's being run over by a gigantic boulder or gluing himself to the railroad tracks, Cactus Jack is nothing if not persistent! Too bad he's so stupid. Does he really think using a handbook for villains is a good idea?
Does Cactus Jack end up blown up or flattened by an Acme anvil? Will Handsome Stranger finally realizebhe's traveling with a sexually frustrated woman? Will Whiskey get tired of saving his idiot master? If you can find a copy of The Villain on DVD, do give it a look! And if you can't find the DVD, here's the movie on YouTube.