Sunday, November 14, 2010

And the Survey Says....

One day last week, I was listening to a discussion on the radio. It seems a survey has declared American women to be inexcusably wimpy. Normally, I'd take exception to that. I don't consider myself to be at all wimpy. But this survey had to do with dating practices.

According to the survey, only Ecuadorian women are less likely to make the first move with a man than are we Americans. As William pointed out, they must not have included Arab women in the survey. If an Arab woman made the first move, she'd be beheaded--or at the very least, stoned to death.

Not all American women are shy about making moves on a man. I know some who are downright predatory. They could be featured on Wild Kingdom, in fact. And I am not exaggerating, not even a little!

William recently suggested that in our collaborative writing effort, Same Time, Tomorrow (written under pseudonyms Scarlett Martin and James Morgan, for those who don't already know our alter egos), Chloe should propose marriage to her lover, Gabriel. I wasn't so sure at first. Chloe's history with men does not lend itself to such boldness...but on the other hand, for her to do so would be a significant indicator of her security in the relationship, in Gabriel's love for her as well as hers for him.

In the end, I agreed. It would say a great deal about Chloe's character, so it was a smart move.

Would I make the first move on a man? Only if I were absolutely sure of his interest in me. And I'd have to see it in his actions, not just hear the words. Men will say "I love you," and then later insist it meant nothing. They usually say it to get a woman into bed, but not always. This makes me think of a running storyline of The Nanny. I've been watching it in syndication on Nickelodeon when I can't fall asleep immediately. Poor Fran tried for years to make her boss Maxwell fall in love with her. Finally, in a tense moment, he confessed that he did love her. She was elated--but later, Maxwell, began to worry that his children, who adored Fran, would be hurt if the relationship failed and they lost her. He told Fran he didn't really mean it.  

In one subsequent episode, Fran was on jury duty and the trial involved a scorned woman's revenge on an ex-lover. When the woman testified that he had told her he loved her, then took it back, Fran wanted to lynch the guy!

But I'm getting off track here. Would I propose marriage to a man? Again, only if I were certain of what the answer was going to be...and then only if I was just plain tired of waiting for him to ask me. Chloe, you can do that. You've got your guy and he realizes he's right where he belongs. You go, girl!

I may be bold in other respects, but I am a born and bred Midwestern girl. Conservative. Traditional. In most things, anyway....


  1. I dithered around about saying I Love You to my husband. After all, he didn't say it first. Problem is, I think women's hang-ups are well founded. A lot of American men bolt for the door if a woman is up-front about her feelings. It takes courage even to have your character propose.

  2. Good blog!

    It's an unconventional moment, what we've got planned, but it feels true to how far Chloe comes as a person to bring her to that point.


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