Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Blogs of Christmas Past, part two

And a parrot in a pear tree.... 

Ooops! Now, where was I? Oh, yeah...Mom had a roll of TP under the tree and Dad was trying to explain a box of poop to Homeland Security. Well, not exactly. But he was a repeat offender. As a matter of fact, he chose one victim twice simply because she swore he'd never fool her again. 

The target was Cathy, a friend of mine from high school. After Poopapalooza 1, she tried and tried to find a way to exact her revenge--but a whoopee cushion in his truck just didn't quite equal Dad's prank. When she told him she'd never fall for it again, well, that was like throwing down the gauntlet. He looked for a way to trick her into opening the box for a second time, and she unwittingly gave him the solution when she commented on a local souvenir--an outhouse ashtray. (Yep, we're about as redneck as you can get without being Jeff Foxworthy's blood relative.) 

I was seven months pregnant with Collin at the time and had been visiting Cathy, her then-husband, Ralph, and their son Damien (no connection to the character in The Omen). Dad sent the ashtray to Cathy with a message I was to relate: he knew she liked it and was sending it as a peace offering. She was touched--until she opened the little outhouse and saw the tiny turd, standing straight up in the tiny potty. 

"I'm gonna kill that old man!" Cathy shrieked. (She didn't know it couldn't be done without a silver bullet.) 

I've got a lot of Christmases to cover, so please bear with me. Twelve days may not be enough. And remember, you just never know what's in those pretty packages....


  1. Oh my.... that's funny!

    There are times with pranksters that you ought to know you're out of your league and just refrain from trying to even the score!

  2. I still can't believe he mailed poop!!!

  3. I can definitely see how your father could have a lot of enemies...I for one, if I got a package of poop, probably wouldn't speak to any of you again...LOL

    Great blog!

  4. Tell me this is fiction-please. You are so funny!

  5. Sorry, this is all fact.

    He put a lot of work into those poop packs.

  6. Outhouse ashtrays? That would look great on my bookshelf next to my blown glass duck collection.

  7. I think I would have really liked your dad. Loved this story too.

  8. Your Dad is awesome. I must take notes.


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