Thursday, December 2, 2010

Real or Faux Chicken?

We've been talking about having chicken for New Year's Eve. Collin will be working that day, and I'm not much on New Year's Eve parties anyway, so....

Collin wanted chicken last New Year's Eve, so I trekked down to Kentucky Fried Chicken, which, for a time, called itself KFC. They were trying to avoid use of the "F" word. (Not THAT "F" word--get your minds out of the gutter, kids! The word in this case is "fried.") 

I placed my order and handed my Visa card to the guy at the counter. He informed me the damages came to $30.27. For chicken? Forget free range--I think these chickens must have been imported from Australia. And sent here first class. Air, not mail. 

I checked my order before leaving. At these prices, I sure didn't want to leave without being certain nothing had been left out. Let's see...10 pieces of chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, slaw, 6 biscuits, a jug of soda and a double chocolate chip cake. 

I'm pretty sure this meal falls under the heading of "assisted suicide." 

There's a real mystery to chicken these days, for those of you who have not yet noticed the subtlety in marketing. Arby's, for example. My favorite sandwich was, for a long time, their Roast Chicken Club. Big bun, piled with chicken, thick-sliced bacon, smothered in mayo. Yum! Sometimes, we got coupons for free angioplasty. 

Then, the menu abruptly changed. Unaware, I went into our neighborhood Arby's and ordered my usual. 

"We don't have the Chicken Club anymore," the girl at the counter said apologetically. "Wouldn't you like to try one of our REAL chicken sandwiches?"

"Real chicken?" I asked, baffled. "What was I getting on the club sandwich? A chicken-like substance?" 

The same was true of Banquet's pot pies. Been eating them for years. YEARS. Then, one day I picked up some chicken pot pies at the grocery store. Emblazoned arcoss the box were the words "now with REAL chicken." 


This is why we're getting cancer from some of the foods we eat, people. It's not real food!

PS Arby's has since resurrected the Roast Chicken Club. I wonder if they're using real chicken this time around?


  1. You are very funny!!
    Mama always told me not to have chicken or turkey on New Year's Eve. It's an old wives tale that your New Year Luck will fly out the window!

  2. Parts is parts ;)

    If I had to prepare my own food I'd be a vegetarian. (And by "prepare" I don't just mean kill, cooking is out too.) Good thing those bloodsuckers at KFC...well, suck blood, from "chickens." Mm-mm good!

  3. I have a hard time with any fast food chicken ever since consuming large quantities of gristle McNuggets. Ewww.

  4. Those rubber chickens remind me of a teacher who liked bringing those things into class and throwing them around....

  5. Very funny, Norma!

    KFC has also had that artery choking Double Down sandwich, notable for not including bread as part of the sandwich....

  6. Jay Leno refers to the Double Down as the "Face Down."

    I've had the Double Down. That was my one meal for the entire day. They do have a new version that does include bread....

  7. You know, I'm not sure about chicken McNuggets, but I know that hotdogs are made from lips and, it's a safe bet that McNuggets (or McGrizzle as Karla so aptly put it) are probably made from the lips and assholes of the chicken...oh wait, chickens don't have, they're obviously made just from the assholes...

  8. I like that KFC has introduced the new "sandwich" with no bread. Two deep fried chunks of goodness with a layer of bacon and cheese in between. Obesity a problem in America? Don't bug the Colonel he's in the library with a candlestick, or the conservatory with a lead pipe, not at his restaurant with the wido maker.

    Anyway... thank you for the laugh... and...

    You've been nominated for Blogger of the Month. For details check out and encourage your viewers to vote for you!!!


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