YOUR REAL HOROSCOPEAstrology buffs should be using these dates, reflecting where the stars currently are aligned: Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16. Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11. Pisces: March 11-April 18. Aries:April 18-May 13. Taurus: May 13-June 21. Gemini: June 21-July 20. Cancer:July 20-Aug. 10. Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30. Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23. Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.Ophiuchus:* Nov. 29-Dec. 17.Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.
* Discarded by the Babylonians because they wanted 12 signs per year.
Is this some kind of bad joke? I'm not a Leo after all. Forget it. I like being a Lioness. I don't want to be a crab. (Shut up, Collin.)
I've been told on many occasions by many people that I am a classic Leo. I have most of the traits associated with Lions. Being a Lioness is very cool. Being a crab...not so cool. They get eaten. With cocktail sauce. Lions are not eaten. They're the ones doing the eating. (Shut up, Scarlett and James!)
Who, may I ask, are the geniuses who decided the ancient Babylonians got it wrong, that we have thirteen signs, not twelve? Are they the same experts who decided Pluto is not a planet?
And what kind of chaos is this going to cause for all those guys asking women in bars for their signs? Have they been picking up the wrong women?
All these years...we've been checking our horoscopes and astrological charts to guide us through each day. We're lucky we survived! We were looking at the wrong signs!
That's putting it mildly!
I used to have a bracelet that looked exactly like this....