Monday, May 2, 2011

Thor and Jane Seek Counseling

Anyone who knows me knows I've been counting the days until May 6th--when Thor opens in theaters. Y'all can have your Twilight sparkly vampires and your Harry Potters. The God of Thunder is my kind of guy.

Yesterday on the FX Channel was Superhero Sunday. Several Marvel feature films aired, along with behind-the-scenes Thor segments. One dealt with the love relationship that develops between Thor and astrophysicist Jane Foster. It was noted that they try to figure out how to make that relationship work.

The counselor who got those two would have a meltdown. Their first session would likely go something like this:

Counselor: What seems to be the problem?

Jane: We're in, uh, a long-distance relationship.

Thor: I'm from Asgard.

Counselor: Where is that? Sweden?

Thor: It's in another realm, actually.

Jane: And he's a god.

Counselor: A god? You mean--

Jane: He's the God of Thunder. Summons up storms, kills with his hammer, that sort of thing.

Counselor: He's a god...all long has he been a god?

Thor: As long as I've been alive. A little over a millennia. 

Counselor: And you, Jane?  Are you a god as well?

Jane: No, I'm mortal. A regular girl, if you will.

Counselor: And how old are you?

Jane: Why are you asking me that? A woman never reveals her age! (Pauses) Oh, all right. I'm in my early thirties.

Counselor: So--

Jane: I'll get old. He won't. At least not for a very long time.

Counselor: I can see where that could be a problem.

Jane: It gets worse. He took me home to meet his parents.

Counselor: Parents? You mean--

Jane: Odin and Frigga. Odin was furious. He said, "But Thor--she's human!" As if that's a bad thing....

Thor: What did he expect? He cast me out of Asgard, stripped me of my powers--

Counselor: What?

Thor: Oh, yes--the worst day of my life. Stripped of my power, kicked out of my home, hit by a car, tasered, shot in the ass with a hypodermic needle. The worst. But then I met Jane. My father forced me to live as a mortal man. Why is he so surprised that I fell in love with a mortal woman? 

Jane: And after the last man in my life--

Thor: That whiny kid with the light-up sword? He was no man!

Counselor: Thor, I'd like to get back to your issues with your father. Is this relationship possibly your way of acting out in response to your father's disapproval?

Thor: It was his crappy parenting skills that made me the arrogant SOB I was--before I met Jane. (slams coffee cup to the floor)

Jane: You promised me you'd stop doing that!

Thor: So I did. My apologies.

(At this point, Odin and Frigga appear in the counselor's office. Odin is furious.)

Odin: I don't have time for this!

Frigga: He's your son, Odin. He needs you.

Thor: I do not!

Frigga: Quiet, both of you!

Thor: (to Odin) You were always a lousy father!

Odin: And you're an arrogant, ungrateful child!

Counselor: Please, excuse me for just a moment.

(He leaves the room, goes into another office. He opens the window, climbs out onto the ledge...and jumps.)


  1. Perfect blog! And you've got these characters spot-on!

    I love Thor's description of his worst day....

  2. I don't think any of us has had one quite that bad....

  3. No, this one rates as one of the worst anyone could possibly have.

  4. Ok, you've been hanging around William too long. Excellent blog, Norma!!!

  5. Speaking of the movie Thor. Don't you think Natalie Portman is a bit slight in stature to be messing with a guy like Thor. He needs a woman with more meat on her bones, like me. ; }

    P.S. I still like the sparkly vampires better!

  6. Hey, Susan, I'll fight you for him!;-)

  7. Beth, you do realize he'll take that as a compliment?

  8. Oh my word! This is brilliant!!! Lol.

  9. I'm with Christina on this one. It is brilliant.

  10. I love this! So creative and right on. I am looking forward to the movie too.


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