Sunday, April 8, 2012

The Brazen and the Ridiculous

I think I still watch soap operas because they remind me of what bad writing is really like. Don't believe me? Write scenes worthy of a soap and submit them to any commercial publisher. You'll get a rejection in record time. No editor I've ever worked with would accept such unbelievable characters and storylines.


Example: last week on The Bold and the Beautiful, the always tacky, always pushy Amber Moore crashed a party for up-and-coming designer Caroline Spencer. Not being invited never stops the white trash girl from Furnace Creek. Fresh off her scheme to pass off her baby as the child of media heir Liam Spencer, she's made a complete fool of herself in trying to worm her way back into the Forrester Creations family via ex-husband Rick Forrester.






And the male characters--total wussies! This is a high fashion house. They should design the men's suits with backbones, because only one man on this show seems to have one...and I'm pretty sure he's the devil incarnate.






Spineless men, pushy women...the staple of soaps for decades now. I remember how my mom would react watching Dynasty back in the '80s. She'd be outraged when ex-wife Alexis (Joan Collins) would barge into the Carrington mansion, usually without knocking, and bait Blake's current wife, the sweet, spineless Krystle. "If that were my house, her (substitute the word "butt" here) would be hitting the sidewalk!" Mom would shout.






Mom was only a doormat for her own sisters. I wouldn't even allow that.


I had something like this happen to me six years ago, when we were in the process of moving. I had a so-called friend who was the epitome of the pushy broad. She showed up not long after we moved in. She and her husband were having issues. He didn't know she'd lost her job. (She says she quit; they say she got fired for stealing.) She thought she was going to spend eight hours a day parked in my apartment. There was no way that was going to happen. I'm too accustomed to doing what I want when I want. I explained to her that I needed to finish my book, and I couldn't do that with her underfoot.






She very generously offered to leave by four so that I could write in the evening. Wasn't that nice of her? I was counting to ten by that time. I explained that being able to write on my own schedule means my schedule, not hers.


She still didn't get it. She said her husband would be furious when he discovered she wasn't working and she would be moving in with Collin and me. I not-so-patiently told her that no, she would not be, as my lease prohibits adding new tenants without management approval. We even have to get approval for temporary houseguests. I had to get permission from the leasing office to keep a friend's dog while she was on vacation.






The last straw came the day we brought home everything from our storage locker. We'd just unloaded the truck when she arrived. "This isn't a good time," I told her.


"Oh, that's okay'," she said, as if I had asked her if she minded that I was in the middle of unpacking. She walked past me, into the apartment, and pulled up a chair in the midst of all the stacked boxes. I started counting again--this time in Spanish.Slowly. Very slowly.


She doesn't know how close she came to being decapitated.


I went about my unpacking, figuring she'd take the hint. She didn't. When she pushed me to stop what I was doing and listen to her, I let her have it. She got out of there fast. I haven't seen her since. But she still comes to mind when I see characters like Amber Moore on TV....







20 comments:

  1. Funny post! She sounds like my mother who would always invite herself over. I even moved two hours away hoping it would stop. She interrupted way too many things. Still does but now she lives 5 states away. Life ie more peaceful now.

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  2. I would never just show up at someone's door without an invitation! But this gal was like that with everybody. She worked at a hotel. She got the hots for one of her male co-workers and decided to leave her husband and two daughters to be with this guy--never mind the fact that he not only wasn't interested in her romantically but already had a girlfriend. It didn't matter to her. Her only concern was what she wanted.

    I haven't seen her in almost six years, but I did hear she and her husband split and she kicked the girls out.

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  3. Oh, dear God... I'd have thrown her off a bridge!

    She sounds like my sisters!

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    Replies
    1. I thought about it.

      It doesn't end there. She let me take the fall for something she did, and THEN had the nerve to...well...the day she would have gotten paid, had she still had a job, I was expecting her to call and ask me to give her enough money to cover her paycheck so her husband wouldn't find out.

      Sure enough, she called. I didn't answer and didn't call her back.

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  4. LOL, reminds me of some neighbors we had at our old house who came over and went straight for the fridge. This very fat woman and her very heavy set husband unloaded everything we had onto the coffee table and proceeded to eat it in front of us. When we started running out of food she started making egg dishes in the microwave and showing me how to do it. We had only lived in the house for a few months so I was happy to have a friend. We decided to eat out for awhile after that and they stopped coming over to eat. When her husband got fired from the same company that I was working at, we didn't hear from them again. :) Sometimes it takes more than a hint and since I wanted to be nice, fate stepped in....

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    1. I wouldn't have had to wait for Fate. I'd have kicked their hungry butts out. That takes nerve, to just come into someone else's home and make like a swarm of locusts.

      They'd starve at our place. We keep very little around. We eat takeout!

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  5. That's really out of line of them, Eve!

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    Replies
    1. I had another problem with a guy I hired to move us once. He'd always done good work and we trusted him, so I borrowed a friend's truck and he was to get another guy to help him move the stuff. He did...but the morning of the move, his girlfriend showed up with their baby. In between loads, the three of them plus baby took the liberty of using the truck for their own purposes--without asking. Then, when they finally arrived with the last load, the girlfriend parked herself in my living room and turned the TV on. I turned it off. Then she demanded I make them all sandwiches. I sent them packing. When I discovered they'd stolen Collin's video games...they didn't get paid, needless to say!

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  6. I'd have had them arrested! The nerve!

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  7. When one is hired to do a job, they're not supposed to bring their families along...or take unapproved liberties with equipment.

    If I could have proven them took the video games, they would have been in jail.

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    Replies
    1. Oops! That was supposed to read "they."

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  8. I would never think of moving in with someone or asking them to give me money so that it would look as if I had a paycheck...that's awful...and a rotten friend for having done that to you.

    Sorry...

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    Replies
    1. She was a real user. I'm glad to be rid of her.

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  9. Norma, I just tagged you in the 7 Meme Challenge, so please come visit my post. Hope you will enjoy and participate; it might just take your mind off these bad memories of pushy people. Take care!

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  10. It might just be us... but we just ignore pushy people altogether.

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  11. Oddly enough I have just got off the phone to my neighbour - a shy bachelor who both my husband and I like. Every six months or so he asks if he can come round for a drink at a time that suits us both.
    He has a large party once a year to which we are always invited. There is nothing pushy about him - on the contrary and this arrangement suits us both very well.
    We don't enjoy parties these days but we make an exceptiion for him.
    I think I would have throttled your neighbour.

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    Replies
    1. I'd like to throttle several of my neighbors!

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  12. Oh,. Geez! Sounds like a very pushy woman! Glad you didn't keep her aorund. She'd had driven anyone up the wall before long. :(

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