Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

It's odd how, when a loved one passes away, over time only the good memories remain.


My father's been gone a little over twenty-one years now. After he died, I was consumed by guilt. I should have said this...I shouldn't have said that...I should have done this differently. I was crippled by those feelings for a time. I blamed myself in very real sense for his death.






For a long time, when I thought of Dad, the mental image of him that came to mind was him walking out the door the day he went to the hospital, the way he was dressed...none of us knowing then that he'd never be coming back. Or at least Mom, Collin and I didn't know. Dad knew. He had a premonition of his own death. He saw it repeatedly in a recurring dream. He'd told us about it, describing it in great detail. The night he died, when we arrived at the hospital, it happened...just as he had said it would.


This makes me think of the lawn mower I got him for Christmas just
before he died. He wanted to take a photo of it with him to the hospital.
He never got to use it. 


I wonder if some of us have these premonitions as a warning from God to get our lives in order before our time of departure comes. Mom, Dad and I never discussed spiritual issues, and I've wondered--worried--over the years that they might not have gotten it right with God before their passing. I hope they did. I can't imagine an eternity without them. We all make mistakes, and God forgives. It's often harder for us to forgive ourselves--or those who have wronged or hurt us. Think about that. If our Creator can forgive us for anything, who are we to not forgive ourselves or each other?


Time really does heal, and now, the prevailing memories are the good ones. I remember his sense of humor...the outrageous practical jokes...the way he always came to the rescue when I did something stupid and got in over my head, even when he swore he wouldn't.... I think of how this man who worried he was too old to have a baby in the house became completely devoted to Collin....


Okay, maybe I don't really want to meet up with him on the other side. 
He'll kill me for publishing this. I told him to smile, and....


I miss you, Dad. Take care of yourself, Mom, and all the critters. I'll have a lot to tell you when I get there....



10 comments:

  1. I'm all teary.
    Lovely written post today

    cheers, parsnip

    ReplyDelete
  2. I miss my dad too. Happy Father's Day to all. Beautiful thoughts Norma.

    ReplyDelete
  3. A lovely post today, Norma. Your love for your dad really does come right through here. He's always come across, in what you've said to me, as a good man. And time does have a way of healing wounds.

    A happy Father's Day to all dads!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I didn't have guilt so much, but there was a lot of things that I wished I'd said/did...and, I agree that only the good things about dad remained...not the times he yelled at me, etc....He was a good man...

    Sounds like your father was a good man, too. Thank you for sharing your father with us.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sweet post, Norma. Your dad sounds like a wonderful man; you were fortunate to have him in your life!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks...all of you. I think we don't always appreciate our parents as much as we should.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Aw, that's beautiful, Norma. I think it's normal to feel like we didn't say or do enough. I still regret not giving my grandmother a hug before they took her body away. Just one last one. But I love you're thoughts on forgiveness. So so true. If God can forgive us, all we have to do is follow that example. And I've found the more I forgive, the stronger I become inside. There is a certain power in forgiveness and it becomes even more beautiful than love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I couldn't have said that better, PK!

      Delete
  8. What a poignant post, Norma. I try to remind myself to let my parents know how much I care, but I think I still fall short.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Talli, I think we always feel that we haven't done enough.

      Delete

Disagreements are welcome; trolls and spammers are not. Any and all comments by either of the latter two will be immediately deleted.