Wednesday, October 31, 2012

It Was a Dark and Stormy Election Year....

The GOP was desperate. They had no one to run for President. The usual suspects--candidates--either weren't interested or were too inept to fool anyone into voting for them. The Queen of the Terror--uh, Tea--Party, Cruella Palin, enlisted the services of the Really Mad Scientist, Dr. Frankenlimbaugh, to build the perfect Candidate. Dr. Frankenlimbaugh and his deranged assistant, Igor-Akin, collected body parts until they had enough to make a whole man. Only one thing was missing: a brain.

Igor-Akin finally located one. "It's perfect, Master," he proclaimed, holding up the jar containing the brain. "It's never been used!"

Dr. Frankenlimbaugh was skeptical. "Where could you get a brain from an adult male that's never been used?" he wanted to know.

"From him!" Igor-Akin pointed to Dubya, the Village Idiot, sitting in a corner with a coloring book. 

Dr. Frankenlimbaugh sighed heavily. "Why am I not surprised?" he asked. "I was hoping for a brain with more than a double-digit IQ, but I suppose if that's the best we have to work with...."

They performed surgery to transfer the brain into the newly-assembled candidate...after Igor-Akin dropped the jar, accidentally kicked the brain across the lab and snatched it back just as Dr. Frankenlimbaugh's pet vampire bat, P.Ryan was about to make it his lunch.

Cruella arrived just as the mad scientist was about to jump-start the Candidate to life. "You're using battery cables?" she asked, concerned.

"We can't afford a defibrillator on what you pay us," Igor-Akin grumbled. 

"And the last time we used lightning, I had to send Igor-Akin up to check the connections," Frankenlimbaugh recalled. "The bolt missed our corpse and fried Igor-Akin's ass."

"I couldn't think for a year," said Igor-Akin, rubbing his butt.

Cruella stood at the window. "Not much of a view," she said. "I can see Russia from my castle!"

"On what you pay us--"

"I know, I know--oh, no!" she shrieked.

"What's wrong?" Igor-Akin asked.

"Barack Van Helsing is coming! He's leading the Angry Democrat Villagers! They're storming the castle!"

P.Ryan looked over her shoulder. "And he has that rabid dog Biden the Biter with him! Hurry, Master, hurry!"

After a few jumps, the Candidate came to life. He sat up, blinking, and after a few moments, he spoke. "I am Mitt Romney!" he announced.

Frankenlimbaugh and Igor-Akin looked at each other, "What the hell kind of name is MITT?" Frankenlimbaugh wanted to know.

"I am a Moron!" the Candidate declared with pride.

Cruella Palin slapped him. "That's Mormon, you idiot!"

Igor-Akin looked at Frankenlimbaugh. "I think he had it right the first time."

Cruella glared at Frankenlimbaugh. "You couldn't do better than this?" she demanded.

"Good parts are hard to find. And the only available brain was that of our Village Idiot."
She turned to look at Dubya, who was still coloring. "He can't even stay within the lines!"

"That's because he's the Village Idiot. Our Village had two, so we figured we could sacrifice one," Frankenlimbaugh said.

"Two?" she asked. "Where's the other one? Maybe he's got a better brain."

Frankenlimbaugh pointed to Igor-Akin.

Cruella gave a gesture of resignation. "Oh well...the world's going to end on December 21st anyway...."

For further Hallowe'en irreverence:
Speak of the Devil 
Basking in the Afterglow 


  1. American politics is exactly like ours here in Oz only much BIGGER haha!!

  2. Oh dear, this is pretty funny but I'm channeling William in all of this Norma. Happy Halloween no matter what happens!

  3. Oh wow that is so funny! And that first cartoon is a riot!

    Can't wait for the election madness to be over already.

    1. And now they're saying the votes may not all be counted immediately because so many will have to do manual ballots. They're going to prolong the suffering!

  4. You've got me falling about laughing!

    Barack Van Helsing indeed!

    1. I'm betting no Republicans are laughing!

      I'm still laughing at YOUR blog!

  5. I don't even live in the US and I can't wait for the elections to be over! Hilarious, Norma.

    1. Talli, I've threatened to move to Canada, depending upon the outcome of this election!


Spammers and scammers will be deleted.