Friday, November 9, 2012

It's the Happiest Time of the Year (Getting There, Anyway)

I decided to start my Christmas shopping early. I hate shopping...the crowds, the long lines, the screaming, temper-tantrum-throwing brats, the rudeness of some salespeople and shoppers, the insanity of the holiday. But this year, I think I've discovered gifts that are sure to please everyone.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to draft my letter to the big guy up north....

Dear Santa:

I haven't been good this year...but come on, did you really expect me to change this late in the game? Do you think you could overlook it just this once? I've already accumulated enough coal to start my own energy co-op. (Hey, President Obama got re-elected...maybe I'll qualify for one of those government bailouts!)  

I'm really not asking for much--just this:

Think about it, okay? It would keep me off the streets...most of the time. And I won't be putting out cookies and milk like the kids do. Bring me the TV and you'll find rum balls...and peppermint schnapps. Christmas can't get merrier than that! Just watch out for the cop who lives down the street.

By the way, who was the blonde chick in the Victoria's Secret getup? She sure didn't look like Mrs. Claus. What's that you say? Blackmail is such an ugly word....


  1. And now you've got me hungry for chocolates....

    If that television was any bigger, it would need a house of its own!

    1. I wondered if we'd have to move into a larger apartment!

  2. Great choices !
    I really don't like when I have to "Shop" ! Every once and awhile I like what my Mum and I use to call "Window Shopping". We didn't have a lot of extra money but looking was fun.
    I despise the rushing around, having to buy unwanted gifts, plus the horrific parents and their awful children with green snot running from their noses.
    I am super careful for health reasons not to go shopping especially in the evening before Christmas. All the coughing, hacking, yelling and screaming.
    I have always made gifts for family, except for the Santa Gifts my children received. For everyone else books, pencils, paints, journals are my gifts of choice.
    Like your photos, my friends I do buy for get something to eat or plants, none of us need things ! For closer friends something I have made.
    I don't rush around, I truly enjoy the season all the lights, fragrances and the beauty around where I live.
    Love the Santa blackmail... ho ho ho ho !

    Square Ones loveeeeeeee new squeekies ! don't make Santa too mad ! We are gud doggies.

    cheers, parsnip

    1. Gayle, I feel the same way!

      And the Square Ones should get lots of new squeekies!

  3. Mmm who would object to sweets? I'm with you on all of the reasons to avoid malls, which is why I try to finish before December even hits. I highly recommend online shopping - Amazon is a wonderful place. :) Good luck with getting the TV!

    1. I love, love, LOVE Amazon...for many reasons.

      And you can't go wrong with chocolate!


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