Monday, December 31, 2012

New Year's Resolutions of the Rich and (In)famous

Before I get started, a couple of things: First, Happy New Year to all! According to the Chinese zodiac, I am a snake (hold your comparisons and jokes until I'm finished, please), so I'm guessing this will be my year. It's about time!


 
Second, there are new posts on some of my favorite blogs today. I hope you'll check them out!

Speak of the Devil  
Basking in the Afterglow 
The Life of a Novice Writer
Two Little Square Black Dogs
Pets and Other Critters
New Mom Talli Roland
Challenging the Gnome 
Pearldrops on the Page  
Ten Lives and Second Chances
Telega Tales


 

Ever wondered what resolutions celebrities might be making? Here are some possibilities:

Charlie Sheen: To keep my feet out of my mouth as often as possible...before I run out of TV networks willing to put up with me! Winning! Wait...what's that? Of course I'm still winning....

Justin Bieber: To let Mom choose my clothes for public events from now on, Who knew overalls would cause such an uproar?

Lady Gaga: What? I'm offering free mental health counseling to my concert attendees. What more can I do? 

Madonna: Maybe I'll change my name to PrimaDonna. It suits me much better! 

PSY: I didn't think I'd get caught. Americans are so stupid! Okay, my resolution will to become more proficient at covering my tracks. I plan to make as much money as I can in the US before those idiots finally tire of me!
 
Kris Jenner: To make an even bigger fool of myself and my family while raking in as much cash and publicity as I can. After all, most people are already sick of me--I have to plan for the future. Bruce and I are going to need lots of nips and tucks!

Donald Trump: To be the biggest a**hole I can be. I have to excel at everything I do, even that!

The GOP: To hold the country hostage until hell freezes over if necessary to guarantee the richest Americans hold onto their tax breaks. Poor people can't be counted on to keep us in office! To paraphrase Marie Antoinette, let them eat Twinkies--oh, that's right. They went out of business, didn't they?

The expected baby of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West: To put myself up for adoption immediately upon birth and never, ever admit those freaks are my bio-parents! 

Chevy Chase: To make myself completely unemployable in the television industry! Nothing like email to make sure the word gets out....

Alec Baldwin: I'll be doing a movie: Snakes on Planes 2. But this one won't involve reptiles. Words With Friends, anyone?

Adele: To continue to  indulge in free expression. Oh, come on! No one uses sign language at music awards shows?

Olivier Martinez and Gabriel Aubrey: To take our fights to Madison Square Garden. If we're going to beat the daylights out of each other, we might as well get paid for it!


Lindsay Lohan: To finally deep-six my career in 2013. Why is it taking so long? I thought it would be easy!

Mel Gibson: To insult every race, religion and sexual orientation on the planet. Did everyone think it was just an act when I got on the crazy train in the Lethal Weapon movies?

Bill Clinton: Nookie, nookie and more nookie! (Hillary's not going to see this, is she?)

20 comments:

  1. A Kardashian grandchild will be even more exploited by that monumental waste of oxygen Kris Jenner than her airheaded kids already are...

    What we need to do is drop Biebs and Psy and Madonna off in the middle of the Sahara with a half day's worth of rations and a three week walk to the nearest habitation. Just to see what happens.

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    Replies
    1. Maybe they'll kill each other.

      But then, some poor vulture might eat them and die of ptomaine poisoning....

      Delete
  2. Great post today... so very clever.
    Thanks for the shout out but blogger thinks it is April Fools Day and my post keeps losing the photos, re-post and will see what happens.
    I tried to watch the Kardashian show once and turned it off about 3 nano seconds in... I could feel the air being sucked out of the world by these strange people.
    I really feel bad for the baby. I see a whole new line of clothing and baby stuff appearing. Another way to exploit the family.
    Happy Happy Year of the Snake !
    I posted the years so people could find out if they were a Snake. I am a Boar and I think that is why I love my Javelinas so much, they are my clan my people my tribe !

    cheers, Gayle and the Square Ones !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blogger picks their victims at random, Gayle!

      I'm going to catch up on blog reading tomorrow, so I hope they have your photos up then!

      Delete
  3. Thanks for the mention, Norma. Happy Year of the Snake! I am an ox, my year will come in 2023. Perhaps Justin Bieber will be wearing big boy clothes by then.

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    Replies
    1. Lynn, Justin Bieber will NEVER be a big boy!

      Delete
  4. I think Donald Trump has already been succeeding at his resolution for years.

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  5. Vaguely remember replying but guess not. Can't believe you're a snake. You just don't seem the type. But if it helps get you what you want this year, here's hissing at you! Happy 2013
    1

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheryl, you did comment--at WordPress! I have my main blog there, but copy here because some of my friends find WordPress to be a real PITA.

      Thanks for the hiss!

      Delete
  6. LOL at all of these, esp. Trump! Happy New Year to you! Thanks for starting us off with a smile in 2013.

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  7. Lol! Oh those celebrity resolutions are too funny!

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  8. LOL... too funny. Yep my resolutions are always the same: not to make any. Gets me off the hook much easier that way.

    Happy 2013, Norma!! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same to you, PK!

      That's the easiest resolution to keep....

      Delete
  9. I'm a tiger according to the Chinese Zodiac grrrrrrrrrrrrowl!! I try not to think about celebrities at all if I can help it. After my weigh in today my resolution is to STOP eating pastries, wonder how that will work haha !

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    Replies
    1. If you figure out how to give up pastries, Grace, let me know. Please!

      Delete
  10. Hilarious! I don't make resolutions anymore--can never keep them;).

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    Replies
    1. Maria, it looks like you belong to a large club that's getting larger every day!

      Delete

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