I've come to the conclusion that doctors get kickbacks on colonoscopies.
Seriously. They'll order a colonoscopy for just about any reason. Backache? An immediate colonoscopy is in order. Got a hangnail? Colonoscopy. I've bailed on five of 'em so far. I keep telling the doctors I can't do the prep. It never gets past my ultra-sensitive esophagus, which immediately expels anything that doesn't taste or smell right.
They just don't listen.
Anyway...last Thursday, I was sent to the Center for Advanced Medicine at Barnes-Jewish Hospital for a consultation. Last month, I'd had a scary bout of what my doctor believed to be diverticulitis. I had no reason to believe she was wrong. Collin and my friend Carolyn went with me for this consultation.
Collin wisely chose to stay in the waiting room. I wish I could have. Carolyn and I were shown into an examining room and told the doctor would be with us shortly. Carolyn found herself wishing she'd made a pit stop in the restroom as I had before signing in. I found myself wishing I'd stayed home. I had a feeling it was going to be a waste of time. I hate it when I'm right about these things.
The nurse returned, apologetic. We had to move. Something about needing a bigger exam room. Bigger exam room? Why? I wondered.
We moved across the hall. The room was slightly larger...and it had an adjoining bathroom, which I pointed out to Carolyn. She was making use of it when the doctor arrived...with three or four medical students, interns, residents, I'm not sure. We were never properly introduced. A larger exam room was definitely needed. The Coliseum might have been a good option.
Carolyn...the doctor's here. No, there will be no rectal exam today.
In fact, there was no exam of any kind. He asked me a few questions and decided my symptoms did not match those of diverticulitis. Really, Doc? According to their website, the Mayo Clinic disagrees...but then, what does the Mayo Clinic know? (Yes, I'm being sarcastic.)
No x-ray, no CT scan, no white cell count...just a colonoscopy. Once again, in spite of my explanation as to why I can't do it, I've been told it's being scheduled.
(Originally published at WordPress, 4/30/13)