Sunday, March 2, 2014

Forget the Oscars...It's the Razzies' Big Night!

Tonight is Oscar's big night. My partner in crime, William, has that covered in his blog (though I suspect his version will be far more entertaining than what we'll actually see on TV). I'm here to cover the Razzies--the award honoring the absolute worst in filmmaking.

The 34th Golden Raspberry Awards were presented last night from the elegant Ignited Spaces in Hollywood (okay, it's actually a techie conference/workspace). There was no red carpet, no celebrities stopping to chat with the entertainment press, no Fashion Police to praise (or ridicule) what everyone was wearing...though that might have been fun....








"Lindsay Lohan, who are you wearing?"

Lohan, looking confused, might say, "I don't know. This is what I was given when I left rehab. I think it's from Kmart...."

"There's Johnny Depp. Johnny, who are you wearing?"

"That's vomit. I did a little too much celebrating last night, y'know. Didn't have time to go home and change."

"Ah, right...."

"I see Will Smith...let's get his thoughts on this. Will, how does it feel to share Razzie nominations with your son Jaden? Ouch! Somebody call the police--he punched me in the face!"

Yep...it could have been fun.

The Razzies are determined by a vote of their membership, much like the Oscars (except nobody really campaigns for a Razzie). However, this year, a new category was added in which anyone could vote for a $1 donation: the "I Want My $10 Back" Award. No word yet on who got that one.

Will Smith may really feel like punching someone right now. He won the Razzie for Worst Supporting Actor, Jaden was named Worst Actor, and together they won Worst Screen Combo for their roles in Worst Movie nominee After Earth. (Describing their movie as Planet Nepotism on the Razzies' website was an almost certain indication that they'd be the big winners.) I'm betting there will be no Golden Raspberries on display on their mantle, though.

The Lone Ranger won Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel. I've never seen it, but from what I've heard, it should have been the Worst Movie winner. That award, however, went to Movie 43, which also earned top dishonors for its 13 directors and 19 alleged screenwriters.

Oddly enough, Grown-Ups 2 (and its star, six-time Golden Raspberry winner Adam Sandler), which received the most nominations, got no Raspberries. (Make of that what you will....)
 

8 comments:

  1. Classic! Well I haven't seen any of the 'raspberry' nominations Norma and it looks like it was a good thing I didn't wast time that I would never have gotten back :)

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  2. Raspberries! Great post! Anyway, I'll be watching The Walking Dead over the Oscars.

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  3. No Oscars for me either.
    I love the "I Want My $10 Back" I would hand over $1 for that one.
    I was so looking forward to The Lone Ranger, then I heard who was in it and..... so sad.
    The only film I am really interested in seeing is "The Wind Rising". I was to see it today but I am too sick, another day perhaps. I have actually heard so many people say that "Frozen" should win the Animation award ? Hello not anywhere close.
    I like the short films too.

    cheers, parsnip

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  4. This is what I was given when I left rehab... it speaks volumes!

    Jaden and Will deserve that dishonour in every way...

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  5. @ Grace: I haven't seen any of the Razzie nominees and only one of the Oscar Best Picture nominees (Gravity). My taste isn't bad enough for the Razzies, but it's too commercial for the Oscars!

    @ Shelly: You're into zombies???

    @ Gayle: I'd fork over a dollar for that one, too.

    I think Frozen is probably overjoyed (though I haven't seen it myself). My pick for Best Animated Feature is, of course, Despicable Me 2. Go Minions!

    @ William: I figured you'd like that line!

    I'm guessing it will be a long time before Will and Jaden Smith make another film together!

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  6. Friggin' autocorrect! My comment about Frozen was supposed to read "overhyped"--not "overjoyed!"

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  7. Didn't know they had a Razzies contest. But since I don't watch the Oscars anyway...

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  8. @ Cheryl: I saw parts of it...when I could stay awake!

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