It's been a little longer than I planned since my last post, but I have an excuse. I was dying.
Okay, I wasn't really dying, but it kinda felt like I was leaning in that direction at times. In the past week, I've realized that I have no will, no advance directive, no prepaid cremation plan...I wonder if Collin could send me to the same crematorium that handled Sam's cremation? Maybe he could just stuff me into a black garbage bag and tell them I'm a large dog (I would have said "pig," but I would have been leaving myself open to too many jokes).
Last Monday, I thought I had a cold. It seemed pretty ordinary--stuffy nose, coughing, sneezing. No big deal. Early Tuesday morning, Collin had an appointment with his new doctor. Our friend Cathy dropped us off at the medical building--she had to go to work. As we waited for him to be seen, I began to regret our plan to take the bus home, even if it did include a stop for lunch at KFC. I was no longer hungry. I just wanted to go home...and go to bed.
Talk about divine intervention--I got a text from Pastor John and Carole, who were coming from a doctor appointment themselves and wanted to know if we'd need a ride home. I couldn't gratefully accept fast enough!
By Wednesday, my eyes had turned so red, I looked like an extra in a horror movie. Disgusting stuff was coming out of them. I lost my voice. My ears ached and my hearing was down to 50%. I had a fever. Zombies wouldn't have touched my brain at that point...even if they were starving.
On Thursday morning, Carolyn took me to see my doctor. Thankfully, during the course of the examination, neither MERS nor West Nile were even mentioned. The doctor said I had an upper respiratory infection (which I somehow managed to confuse with a UTI, which affects a different part of the body entirely). She prescribed antibiotics, which I rarely take but almost begged for this time. She also gave me a list of over-the-counter stuff to use...to which I added my parents' favorite remedy for everything from the common cold to the Ebola virus (just kidding): Vicks Vapo-Rub. This stuff will open any closed orifice!
The worst of it is over. I still have some congestion, and the cough is still a nuisance, but my eyes look normal again and my voice and hearing are getting there. I just took the last dose of the antibiotics. My appetite's back, and I'm still waiting for that bucket of chicken Collin promised me.
I guess they were right. I really am too mean to die....