Monday, April 30, 2018

Barney the Dinosaur on Steroids?

I get into trouble for giving away too much in my movie reviews, so I'll just point you to William's great review of Marvel's Avengers: Infinity War, while I reveal all the things you WON'T be seeing in the movie....

1. Thanos is revealed to be the older, meaner brother of lovable purple dinosaur Barney. Thanos is an example of what hate and steroids can do to one's body and mind....

2. Upon arriving on Earth, Rocket Raccoon meets hundreds of other raccoons, starting the Raccoon Revolution with weapons made from junk found in dumpsters (after watching several episodes of MacGyver)....

3. Valkyrie hitches a ride with the Ravagers. She teaches them an Asgardian drinking game and the result is the galaxy's first DUI.... 

4. Deadpool invades the Marvel Cinematic Universe and steals the Infinity Gauntlet. After removing the stones, he makes a few alterations to the Gauntlet and leaves it as a message to Thanos--a single-finger salute....

5. In the heat of battle, Star-Lord is thrown into a landfill--where he discovers a very old milk carton with his picture on it....

6. Thanos is offered a contract with the WWE, but loses his first match to Ronda Rousey....

7. Aunt May, furious that Tony Stark has put her nephew, Peter Parker, in danger, takes down Thanos, making him cry like a little girl; she also beats up Tony Stark.  


Wednesday, April 25, 2018

And Now a Word From This Blogger....

Hey, Everybody!

Just a word to let y'all know I'm launching two new blogs this week. Hope you'll check them out! 

An Army of Angels launched yesterday. Look for Why? in the Pages sidebar for an explanation.

Riding Out the Storm launches tomorrow. It's the memoir I've been trying to write for the past few years.  

Sam's Story and Superhero in Training will launch in the next week or two....

Monday, April 23, 2018

Yesterday Once More

Some of you may know that's the title of a song by the Carpenters from the '70s. The title--and the lyrics--fit today's post.

Last time, I wrote about revisiting the past, going back to the home I loved so much and recalling the memories of leaving that home and what happened in the years that followed. When I was a kid, Dad was almost obsessive about open doors. If there was an emergency, he reasoned, he could get to us and, if necessary, get us out of the house. 

That explains the small fortune he spent on fire alarms. 

Anyway, I used to fall asleep at night with the light on, listening to the radio. I listened to AM radio back then--KXOK. The radio host at night was known as Johnny Rabbitt. I never knew if that was his real name or not, but I listened to his show until I fell asleep. Mom would come in before she and Dad went to bed and turn the radio and the light off.

That was the mid- to late sixties, mind you.

In recent years, I started listening to the radio at night again. Collin and I got each other Amazon Echo Dots for Christmas year before last. One of the features of the Echo Dot is that it can play radio stations, not just local but from around the world. Collin discovered that another AM station, KMOX, runs old radio shows from the thirties and forties on Saturday nights, so I decided to check it out. 

The old radio shows air from 1:00am to...I'm not sure when. Anyway, one night I instructed Alexa to play KMOX. I couldn't believe what I got--Johnny Rabbitt, still playing music from the fifties and sixties! At first, I thought it was someone else, using the same name--but when I checked it out, I found this was indeed the same Johnny Rabbitt I listened to all those years ago.

So every Saturday night, I have a short trip back to those days, falling asleep listening to that voice, those songs from a past I still miss after all these years.

Do any of you ever feel a yearning to revisit the past? 


Friday, April 20, 2018

You Can Go Home Again...But You Can't Always Stay There

Everything happens for a reason. There are no coincidences.

When I look back, I see that's true. When I was ten years old, my parents decided to sell the farm and move. I didn't want to leave. I was sure it would mean giving up the horses, and it did--for a while, anyway. My dad had designed and built my mom's dream house--right down to the chandelier in the dining room and the terrazzo floors. It was 1963--the date is still inscribed in the sidewalk leading from the driveway to the front door.

We lived there six years. In that time, Dad built a barn for the horses and he and Mom took in twins, a boy and a girl, nine months old. I was twelve when they came along and quite happy as an only child. Mom did all the baby stuff like diapers and bathing--so the problems didn't start until she and Dad decided to buy a small neighborhood grocery store in south St. Louis. That was in 1969. The twins were four years old. Dad thought the house, the kids and the store would be too much for Mom. He was working full-time, so a Mr. Mom scenario wasn't an option. Their solution? Sell the house, move into something smaller. I protested. I didn't want to move again. I was out of school by that time, and I could do the housework. Surely they could afford a babysitter.

Nope. The house was sold, we moved, and I lost my horse again. To make matters worse, guess who got stuck with the twins? I'd rather have the horse.

I know that sounds harsh, but I was just fifteen and didn't really like kids. I still don't, to be perfectly honest. I love Collin, but he's mine. I've loved him from the minute I realized I was pregnant. I just don't enjoy children who aren't mine. I doubt I'm the only woman who feels that way...though I might be part of a minority who will admit it.

About twenty years ago, Mom and I got to revisit the house. Collin got to see it for the first time.What a shock! Structurally, it was still the same, but there was now a wood-burning stove in the family room and shelves full of canned goods--in the dining room. The couple who owned it had let their daughter paint her bedroom--it was awful. But when I walked into my old bedroom, I only saw how it looked when it was mine--all white furniture, twin beds, bookcase, dresser, and a big armchair in the corner. It brought back memories....

But much as I wanted to, I couldn't get it back. I couldn't go back. 

When I thought about it, I realized that the best thing in my life might not have happened, had we not moved all those years ago. In less than three years, we'd be moving again. Kids throwing rocks in the street outside our place got out of hand, and I was hit. I got, for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, a bruised brain and seizures. For a while, I lost the use of my left arm and leg.

Anybody still wondering why I don't like kids?

Then my dog was shot. We didn't know it at first. I let her out to do her business, never had to keep her on a chain or in a fenced area. She could find her way home no matter how far she might roam. There was never any sign of a wound--no blood, nothing, until months later, when she began to limp. At first, it didn't seem a big deal. Then she started having trouble getting around at all. We took her to the vet. He did some x-rays, and we were all surprised to find a bullet in her leg. It was a freak thing--her bone had started to grow abnormally, pressing on her lungs, making it more and more difficult to breathe. She had to be put to sleep.

With everything else I'd been through, this was the final blow. I sunk into a deep depression and was hospitalized for three months. Mom and Dad, thinking I needed a major change, moved while I was in the hospital. When I was released, I came home to a whole new home.

There is a point to this. I'm getting there, I promise.

Had that move not happened, I might not have met some of the people who are still my friends, after all these years. I would not have been in the right place at the right time.

Collin might not have been born.

Chance? I don't think so.

Monday, April 16, 2018

If You Want to Make God Laugh...You Know the Rest


As you know if you read my last post, I planned to have the new blogs launched within a few weeks. That was in mid-March. I still plan to have them up and running by the end of April--a couple of them, anyway. But plans change. Life happens. S*** happens. There's been a lot of the latter happening lately. I haven't pulled my hair out yet, but there have been a few close calls.

There was the trip to my neurologist's office. It rained that day. All day. All freaking day. A cold, miserable rain. My coat was still wet, two days later! I would have rescheduled the appointment, but Collin had his heart set on going--not to see the doctor, but because there's a Captain D's near her office. Our friend C.C. was going to meet us there--not at Captain D's, at the doctor's office. She often accompanies me into the exam room to remember the things I forget or to ask intelligent questions (she's a nurse as well as a good friend).

This time, Collin decided he wanted to sit in on the exam, too. My son, my only child, the light of my life...the rat fink threw me under the bus! He told Dr. P. everything I tend to downplay, and now I have to have an EEG in two weeks! Thanks, honey. What's next? Dropping me off on the curb at the nursing home? 

We did get Captain D's for dinner, but the shake maker (or whatever it's called) at the Rally's next door was broken, so no banana split milkshakes for us. Color me unhappy.

Across the street, two birds were doing a cute little mating dance in the rain, flying up and down, circling each other, was so sweet...oh, my God! They were getting it on! And why was that other bird watching them? Shame on you, you little feathered pervert! 

Okay, I confess. Had it not been raining, I would have made a video on my phone. Birdy porn. Gee, that sounds sick!

And then there was the incident at the mall. I'm convinced the world has gone Looney Tunes--and not just because we ended up with an idiot in the White House. 

You've probably encountered people on parking lots, clipboards in hand, asking for signatures on petitions. We have, many times in the past. But recently, a TV news story focused on people doing this to just get personal information. There were warnings to be careful what we sign. Read the fine print and all that. Not long after that warning aired, Collin and I were at the mall. As we crossed the parking lot, a young woman approached. Normally, the petition people can take a hint. If you step up your pace, they see you're not interested and back off. Not this girl. She refused to take no for an answer. The faster we walked, the faster she moved to keep up, until we were almost running. I reached into my pocket for my stun gun. Had Collin not stepped between us at that moment, Miss Pushy would have ended up with a big shock. Literally.

She made me think of a joke I heard on the Tonight Show years ago. I can't remember who told it, but the comedian was extolling the virtues of living in an RV. He said the biggest advantage was that the average Jehovah's Witness could only run forty miles per hour max.

Which brings me to this week. Oh, this week has been really special. First, there was food poisoning. Both Collin and I were down--but he recovered in less than twenty-four hours. I'm still not 100%, but I'm getting there. Then, last night, Collin had a headache--Collin, who's always been freakishly healthy. I got out the cuff and took his blood pressure. It was 167/101. I panicked. He had to go to the ER immediately, in spite of his protests. (Yeah. I was getting even with him for ratting me out at the doctor's office. Maybe.) I texted our friend C.S., who was en route to take us to the hospital...when I discovered Collin's blood pressure had returned to normal. False alarm.

Okay, time to get back to work....