Monday, April 16, 2018
If You Want to Make God Laugh...You Know the Rest
As you know if you read my last post, I planned to have the new blogs launched within a few weeks. That was in mid-March. I still plan to have them up and running by the end of April--a couple of them, anyway. But plans change. Life happens. S*** happens. There's been a lot of the latter happening lately. I haven't pulled my hair out yet, but there have been a few close calls.
There was the trip to my neurologist's office. It rained that day. All day. All freaking day. A cold, miserable rain. My coat was still wet, two days later! I would have rescheduled the appointment, but Collin had his heart set on going--not to see the doctor, but because there's a Captain D's near her office. Our friend C.C. was going to meet us there--not at Captain D's, at the doctor's office. She often accompanies me into the exam room to remember the things I forget or to ask intelligent questions (she's a nurse as well as a good friend).
This time, Collin decided he wanted to sit in on the exam, too. My son, my only child, the light of my life...the rat fink threw me under the bus! He told Dr. P. everything I tend to downplay, and now I have to have an EEG in two weeks! Thanks, honey. What's next? Dropping me off on the curb at the nursing home?
We did get Captain D's for dinner, but the shake maker (or whatever it's called) at the Rally's next door was broken, so no banana split milkshakes for us. Color me unhappy.
Across the street, two birds were doing a cute little mating dance in the rain, flying up and down, circling each other, chirping...it was so sweet...oh, my God! They were getting it on! And why was that other bird watching them? Shame on you, you little feathered pervert!
Okay, I confess. Had it not been raining, I would have made a video on my phone. Birdy porn. Gee, that sounds sick!
And then there was the incident at the mall. I'm convinced the world has gone Looney Tunes--and not just because we ended up with an idiot in the White House.
You've probably encountered people on parking lots, clipboards in hand, asking for signatures on petitions. We have, many times in the past. But recently, a TV news story focused on people doing this to just get personal information. There were warnings to be careful what we sign. Read the fine print and all that. Not long after that warning aired, Collin and I were at the mall. As we crossed the parking lot, a young woman approached. Normally, the petition people can take a hint. If you step up your pace, they see you're not interested and back off. Not this girl. She refused to take no for an answer. The faster we walked, the faster she moved to keep up, until we were almost running. I reached into my pocket for my stun gun. Had Collin not stepped between us at that moment, Miss Pushy would have ended up with a big shock. Literally.
She made me think of a joke I heard on the Tonight Show years ago. I can't remember who told it, but the comedian was extolling the virtues of living in an RV. He said the biggest advantage was that the average Jehovah's Witness could only run forty miles per hour max.
Which brings me to this week. Oh, this week has been really special. First, there was food poisoning. Both Collin and I were down--but he recovered in less than twenty-four hours. I'm still not 100%, but I'm getting there. Then, last night, Collin had a headache--Collin, who's always been freakishly healthy. I got out the cuff and took his blood pressure. It was 167/101. I panicked. He had to go to the ER immediately, in spite of his protests. (Yeah. I was getting even with him for ratting me out at the doctor's office. Maybe.) I texted our friend C.S., who was en route to take us to the hospital...when I discovered Collin's blood pressure had returned to normal. False alarm.
Okay, time to get back to work....