Monday, April 16, 2018

If You Want to Make God Laugh...You Know the Rest

 
Seriously.

As you know if you read my last post, I planned to have the new blogs launched within a few weeks. That was in mid-March. I still plan to have them up and running by the end of April--a couple of them, anyway. But plans change. Life happens. S*** happens. There's been a lot of the latter happening lately. I haven't pulled my hair out yet, but there have been a few close calls.

There was the trip to my neurologist's office. It rained that day. All day. All freaking day. A cold, miserable rain. My coat was still wet, two days later! I would have rescheduled the appointment, but Collin had his heart set on going--not to see the doctor, but because there's a Captain D's near her office. Our friend C.C. was going to meet us there--not at Captain D's, at the doctor's office. She often accompanies me into the exam room to remember the things I forget or to ask intelligent questions (she's a nurse as well as a good friend).

This time, Collin decided he wanted to sit in on the exam, too. My son, my only child, the light of my life...the rat fink threw me under the bus! He told Dr. P. everything I tend to downplay, and now I have to have an EEG in two weeks! Thanks, honey. What's next? Dropping me off on the curb at the nursing home? 

We did get Captain D's for dinner, but the shake maker (or whatever it's called) at the Rally's next door was broken, so no banana split milkshakes for us. Color me unhappy.

Across the street, two birds were doing a cute little mating dance in the rain, flying up and down, circling each other, chirping...it was so sweet...oh, my God! They were getting it on! And why was that other bird watching them? Shame on you, you little feathered pervert! 

Okay, I confess. Had it not been raining, I would have made a video on my phone. Birdy porn. Gee, that sounds sick!

And then there was the incident at the mall. I'm convinced the world has gone Looney Tunes--and not just because we ended up with an idiot in the White House. 

You've probably encountered people on parking lots, clipboards in hand, asking for signatures on petitions. We have, many times in the past. But recently, a TV news story focused on people doing this to just get personal information. There were warnings to be careful what we sign. Read the fine print and all that. Not long after that warning aired, Collin and I were at the mall. As we crossed the parking lot, a young woman approached. Normally, the petition people can take a hint. If you step up your pace, they see you're not interested and back off. Not this girl. She refused to take no for an answer. The faster we walked, the faster she moved to keep up, until we were almost running. I reached into my pocket for my stun gun. Had Collin not stepped between us at that moment, Miss Pushy would have ended up with a big shock. Literally.

She made me think of a joke I heard on the Tonight Show years ago. I can't remember who told it, but the comedian was extolling the virtues of living in an RV. He said the biggest advantage was that the average Jehovah's Witness could only run forty miles per hour max.

Which brings me to this week. Oh, this week has been really special. First, there was food poisoning. Both Collin and I were down--but he recovered in less than twenty-four hours. I'm still not 100%, but I'm getting there. Then, last night, Collin had a headache--Collin, who's always been freakishly healthy. I got out the cuff and took his blood pressure. It was 167/101. I panicked. He had to go to the ER immediately, in spite of his protests. (Yeah. I was getting even with him for ratting me out at the doctor's office. Maybe.) I texted our friend C.S., who was en route to take us to the hospital...when I discovered Collin's blood pressure had returned to normal. False alarm.

Okay, time to get back to work.... 

18 comments:

  1. As you say, life happens. Write on!

    ReplyDelete
  2. The feathered pervert comment cracked me up.Glad Collin's okay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They were adorable until they really got down to business!

      Delete
  3. Having your friend there is a wonderful gift. All the rain, not so much.

    No curb … but lol. You told that well. Very funny.

    Hahahaha, that you would have made a video on your phone, had it not been raining.

    Dang, you mean business. But that bubblehead should have gotten the hint. Dang, dang. Food poisoning too. Holy fudge crackers, Batman. Hope you get all the way better from it soon. Glad the HBP was a false alarm.

    Now, what about the nanner shake? Any chances of making one at home?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have zero tolerance for bad weather or pushy people. It's been a lonnnnng month, Ivy!

      Make a banana split milkshake at home? Myself? I can't even boil water! I always thought if we got food poisoning, I'd be the cause of it!

      Delete
    2. You are a funny writer, you know this, yes?

      Delete
    3. Thank you. I never know if I come off funny or sarcastic.

      Delete
    4. Funny! But sacrastic works too. Both can be funny.

      Delete
  4. Now, let's see if this works. I was going to answer earlier on when the systems went nuclear.

    The rat fink, huh? :)

    I try to avoid the street charity petition people at all costs.

    You really did get hammered by that sick spell.

    We are getting hit by freezing rain.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Freezing rain? Guess I'd better stop complaining because it still gets cold here.

      I thought I was going to have to fry her brain to make her go away!

      Delete
  5. Oh My Goodness... What else can happen ?
    I love that you have a stun gun.... I want one or pepper spray. We need them here at the border.

    cheers, parsnip

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We bought ours when Sports Authority went out of business last year--70% off. They're small, easy to carry, but they really pack a wallop.

      Delete
  6. Stuff happens all the time! You've got a good son who's just looking out for his mom:). Glad he's alright now and I hope you'll be back to 100% soon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Maria! I'm getting there--slowly.

      I loved your post on the history of the Avengers. I've got one planned for next week--all the things we WON'T see in Infinity War.

      Delete
  7. You sound wonderfully up in spirits, Norma.
    I wouldn't sign anything and I'd tell them they can ask until the cows come home. And then I'd insult them. My husband wouldn't take it either. I don't like those things. Thankfully, we don't get such petitioners in our small area.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This woman was the first one we encountered who couldn't take a hint. I considered reporting her to mall security.

      Delete
  8. What's that expression Norma.. 'it never rains but it pours'! I think your indomitable spirit will always be your saviour ✨

    ReplyDelete

Spammers and scammers will be deleted.