Monday, May 28, 2018

The Real Perverts....

This could be the start of something...uh, not big...weird...yeah, maybe weird. There are, after all, more than three perverts in Hollywood. There are enough perverts in Hollywood for at least a dozen seasons.

Then there are The Real Perverts of Washington DC. That ought to be good for at least another ten seasons.

Bill it as the unreal reality series. Follow it with a 2018 version of Cops. And maybe a show involving life in prison....

No, not Orange is the New Black.

How about Perverts are the New Prison Bitches?

Nope, scratch that. Who'd want to follow these idiots past the sentencing phase?

Friday, May 25, 2018

I Know This Isn't Monday, But....

I've finally done it. All five blogs are up and running--hope you'll check them out.

My first regular posts of the week will be here, along with any special announcements, confessions, etc.

An Army of Angels 
Fiction. An expanded version of my novel Chasing the Wind, also featuring some new characters as well as some from three of my past books.

Superhero in Training 
Fiction; comedy about a canine hero and his human sidekick

Riding out the Storm 
My memoir 

Sam's Story
The life and times of my parakeet Sam; observations on life, love and the dumb things we humans do

Monday, May 21, 2018

The Bug is Dead. I'm Just One of the Walking Wounded.

Have any of you ever had a torn rotator cuff? Have you ever had surgery to repair it?

I saw the orthopedic surgeon on Friday. I think they've reached the conclusion that Collin and I are taking turns there. They see one of us, then the other. I considered joking that my injuries were the result of Collin beating me up, but thought they might actually believe it.

The doctor ordered some x-rays and concluded I've torn my rotator cuff. Without an MRI, we don't know the extent of the tear, but we're going to wait a few weeks to go any further. A small tear, he explained, will heal on its own. A large tear will become an even bigger pain in the--shoulder. (Yes, I was going to use a different word, but thought better of it.) 

He asked if the bruise on my chin was also from the fall. It was, along with a large collection of bruises on my left leg, a very sensitive spot just below my ribcage (also on the left side) and a headache I can't seem to shake. I sleep about 12-15 hours a day. Yesterday, I slept through two of my favorite movies and forgot a friend was coming by after church.

It's been fun. NOT.

I've got work to do that's not getting done. We just bought a new steam cleaner I can't use one-handed. I can't even take plates out of the cabinet for meals--Collin has to do it. I can't cook (okay, there is a bright spot in all of this). Getting dressed takes twice as long as it normally would.

Then I see TV commercials featuring kids from Shriners' Hospital, children doing impressive things without four functioning limbs. Boy, am I a whiny not-so-little wuss!

The doctor tells me if the tear turns out to be a large one, I still have options. Two, actually. I can have surgery to repair it, or I can choose to live with it. I wonder, can I live with it? Can I live with not being able to put the dishes away, not being able to fold laundry properly, not being able to unload the groceries, not being able to cook?

Sure. Why not?

This is my excuse and I'm sticking to it!


Thursday, May 17, 2018

This Just in from the I Really Did Know Better Department....

It was a good plan while it lasted. I was going to do regular blog posts. I have three blogs, soon five. Post once a week on each one. Build a following (maybe). Have some fun with it. Write without having to market my stuff other than making a fool of myself on social media (that part's easy--I have years of experience!).

Last week was crazy, one thing after another going wrong, but it ended on a high note--or so I thought. It was Mother's Day. Collin had to work, but he took me out to dinner afterward. We came home with enough leftover food for lunch the next day--any day I don't have to cook is a good day.

Then Wile E. Coyote stepped off the cliff (Wile E. being me).

I took my first fall indoors at 3am. I've fallen outdoors before, but never indoors. I used to make fun of those "I've fallen and I can't get up" TV commercials. That's a mistake I will never, ever make again. It's a lot easier to fall in the "safety" of one's own home than I would have imagined.

I got up to make a short trip to the bathroom. No big deal--or so I thought. As I was about to get back into bed, I saw a bug crawling across the floor--a really big bug. If bugs were vehicles, this one would have been a party bus! It was just one bug, not an infestation or anything like that--but to me, one bug is one too many.

I wasn't going back to bed until that monster was dead. I tried to stomp on it. Apparently, he was new to the neighborhood, not so weak from starvation that he couldn't get away. He ran, trying to take cover under my backpack. I pulled the backpack aside and took another shot at him. This time, he was squished.

End of story? I wish. I lost my balance, spun around, and went crashing to the floor. Thankfully, the table is on casters, or I could have been in really big trouble. As I hit it, it rolled out of the way.

But I couldn't get up. I needed both arms for that, and my left arm was in a lot of pain (I'm fairly certain it's not broken, but it sure does hurt). I called out to Collin, not sure he'd hear me--he can sleep through anything. He once slept through an explosion, after all. But that's a story for another time.

He did hear me, but getting me back on my feet was not easy. It looked like one of those videos of groups of people trying to get whales and dolphins back into the ocean. He couldn't lift under my arms, because every time he went near the left arm, I'd howl with pain. He finally figured it out and I got back into bed.

Tomorrow, I have to see the orthopedic surgeon. I suspect a rotator cuff injury, which I hope just means a cortisone injection and some exercises to regain full range of movement. Currently, I have limited use of my arm and some residual pain in spite of the fact that I've done virtually nothing since this happened. 

First, I'll catch up on reading and commenting on the blogs I follow, including Collin's new solo blog, Let's Talk About..... Next week, I'll be posting at my other four blogs again. A big thank you to everyone who's already checked out Riding out the Storm and An Army of Angels!

Monday, May 7, 2018

Word It Out (Encore)!

While I'm getting ready to launch Sam's Story and Superhero in Training, I'll be repeating past blog posts here. Hope at least some of you haven't already seen them. And thanks to those of you who have checked out the first entries at An Army of Angels and Riding Out The Storm (my memoir)!

William introduced me to Word It Out, a fun  way to create a word cloud image of text from our books. Here are word clouds I did for Chasing the Wind:

For Final Hours....


And for An Army of Angels....

I think I'm going to have T-shirts made from these! To make your own word clouds, go to Word It Out!